The Hardest Thing I Ever Had to Learn About Making an Impact
Photo by Vlada Karpovich
For as long as I can remember, I have lived by a single motto: to grow and develop in every area of life that matters to me, and to help others do the same.
It sounds beautiful. And it is. But for a long time, the way I tried to live it out caused more harm than good.
I thought the path to continuous improvement was to push. Push myself. Push others. Push as hard as I could for as long as I could. And for a while, it worked. I achieved a lot. But it also cost me a lot.
It took getting removed from one of the most important projects of my career to finally understand what I had been missing.
The Project That Changed Everything
I was leading a safety culture transformation for a large mining company in Chile. A year and a half of my life went into that project. My heart and soul went into it. I was determined to make it exceptional.
And we did achieve a great deal together. Real gains. Real changes. But I pushed. I pushed the client hard. When they were drowning in their own workload and pressures, I kept insisting on workshops, on commitments, on deliverables. I was so focused on the project’s success that I lost sight of the human beings trying to make it happen.
They eventually decided to have another consultant take the lead.
I was devastated. And then I was furious.
I blamed the client. I blamed the other consultant. I blamed the company we both worked for. I held onto that anger and hurt for over a year. It drained me. It drained everyone around me.
And here is the part that still gives me pause: the consultant who replaced me went on to win Consultant of the Year for that very project.
The Wisdom I Wasn’t Ready to Hear
That consultant, the one who replaced me and won the award, had once told me something I hadn’t fully absorbed:
“You gotta meet people where they’re at.”
Simple. Almost obvious. And yet it took being removed from a project, spending a year in resentment, and a lot of honest self-reflection to finally understand what those words really meant.
When you push too hard, the goal shifts. It is no longer about excellence. It becomes about defending yourself. And when people feel pushed, they feel disrespected, unheard, unseen. They stop moving toward you. They start moving away.
You cannot make an impact on someone who is no longer in the conversation with you.
Working Hard vs. Working Intelligently
I want to be clear: I still work incredibly hard. Probably harder than I ever have. But today I work intelligently.
Working intelligently means understanding myself. Understanding others. Understanding the situation as it actually is, not as I wish it were. Understanding that there is a process to things, and that real success means going through that process, not around it.
It also means letting go of the black-and-white thinking that held me back for years. The idea that you are either a go-getter or you are laid back. Either tough or kind. Either assertive or receptive.
Life is far more complex than that. One of the most important lessons I have ever learned is what I call the paradox of life: things are the way they are when they are as such, and they are not when they are not. You have to read the situation. Read the people. Read the moment. Know when to push and when to step back. Know that you can bring your full drive and commitment to something without bulldozing everyone in your path.
Excellence and compassion are not opposites. They are partners.
Failing Better
I still have failures. I still have breakdowns. The bigger the game you play, the more breakdowns you are going to have. That is not a flaw in the system. That is the system.
Just recently, I had to postpone two calls with senior executives at a client company. The first time, my computer crashed and I could not connect. The second time, my flight got cancelled and I was going to be in the air during our scheduled call. I reached out both times and let them know what was happening. I have not heard back, and honestly, I am not sure where I stand with them.
In the past, I would have been brutal with myself about this. I would have catastrophized, blamed myself, blamed them, and lost days to the spiral.
Today, I remind myself: I did the best I could with what I had. And so did they. That level of self-compassion, as paradoxical as it sounds, is not softness. It is what allows me to recover quickly and get back in the game.
There is a saying I keep close: success is not the absence of failure. It is the ability to recover from it as quickly as possible.
When I got removed from that Chile project, I held onto the pain for over a year. Today, I do not hold on like that. Life is too short. And more importantly, holding on does not work. It drains you. It drains everyone around you.
What Continuous Improvement Actually Means
My motto has not changed. I still want to grow and develop in every area of life that matters to me, and to help others do the same.
But a second motto has grown up alongside it: I am doing the best I can. They are doing the best they can. We are all doing the best we can.
Continuously seeking to improve the impact we make is not about relentless pushing. It involves excellence and discipline, hard work and grit, yes. But it also involves compassion and humanity and thoughtfulness. It involves truly listening to people and working with them, not at them.
You can only make a real impact on someone if they feel heard, valued, and respected. That is not a soft idea. That is the whole game.
I wish I had understood that in Chile. But I am grateful I understand it now.
Where in your work or life are you pushing so hard that you may be losing the very people you are trying to impact? I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Fundamental of the Week #26: CONTINUOUSLY SEEK TO IMPROVE THE IMPACT WE MAKE
Always seek a breakthrough approach. Our job is to improve the lives and work of the people around us. This path takes planning, diligence, and thoughtfulness.
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