Unfortunately,  we will never prove our self-worth if we look for it outside of ourselves. The journey for all of us is to discover our self-worth internally.  Here's a little hint: you already are worthy. However, as we work through that belief, how do we work through the immediate frustration of not feeling heard?

I have typically thought of my best as working the hardest, going the extra mile and speaking up when I have an idea. However, it occurred to me that perhaps there were other, seemingly opposite ways for me to express my best.

Isn’t it great when we’re with people who look past the bad stuff and try to understand what we intend to say? We call those people our friends, our trusted advisors, our coaches. They “get” us, not because they agree, but because they listen.

Being a human co-existing with another for any period of time can make it that much more interesting. Have you been with someone long enough to have an epic “fight story” you can tell your friends over wine?

To address your overwhelm, ask yourself these questions:

1. How many things am I trying to handle at once?

2. What one thing is actually pushing that “overwhelm” button?

3. How can I relieve that pressure?

4. Who can I ask for help with that?

There is a conversation going on right now in this country, and it is a conversation filled with old beliefs juxtaposed with new thoughts and ideas. For most of us, old beliefs are familiar, comfortable, and deeply rooted. Personally, I believe in the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. I believe that grandmas and grandpas exist to cuddle and spoil their grandchildren. I believe people should be on time for their appointments. You and I are a bottomless pit of beliefs.

This is a common situation in pretty much every organization we have worked within. In our work with executives, we routinely coach them to take the time to check in with their people, and see what they are doing, so they have greater opportunity to acknowledge or appreciate their teams or employees. We find acknowledgement is one of the most powerful and impactful things a leader can do to encourage engagement and higher performance.

Unfortunately,  we will never prove our self-worth if we look for it outside of ourselves. The journey for all of us is to discover our self-worth internally.  Here's a little hint: you already are worthy. However, as we work through that belief, how do we work through the immediate frustration of not feeling heard?

Here are some recommended guidelines on how to speak straight respectfully:

1. Create some ground rules: No accusations, no name-calling, no bad language … etc.

2. Seek to understand before being understood.

3. Be factual. Resist interpretations and hyperbole in order to bolster your case.

4. Give up being “right”, as in a righteous attitude. 

5. Take breaks when it gets too hot. (You could use a walk after all that turkey anyway.)

6. Don’t take anything personally and don’t make assumptions. (Agreements 2 & 3: Don Miguel Ruiz)

7. Set up the environment. (Adults only, alcohol-free, remove sharp utensils … etc.)

8. Know your audience.

9. No ganging up on minority opinions.

10. Listen.

What is Mini Me saying when someone else is speaking? A few common examples:

• “I wish she would get to the point.”

• “He has no idea what he’s talking about.”

• “I already know this.”

• “I completely disagree.”

• “I’ve been there, done that.”

• “My way would be so much better.”

• “I have so many things I need to be doing right now.”

• “What am I going to have for lunch?”

Do you consider who your audience is when you use this language? If we don’t, we lose people in the communication.

At Momentum Consulting, we consider ourselves both consultants and students of high performance. We are right there with you in this endeavor, one moment at a time. And if you’re around any of us long enough you’ll hear us talk about the power of listening. This is not just hearing things with our ears. This is how we receive and process information. And when done generously, it can even be a way to honor the one(s) speaking.

Are you listening with generosity, or are you listening by default? Accepting accountability for how we listen to each other changes the conversation.

What people are willing to share with us is a gift and it enhances our ability to be clear and to make good decisions. The less willing people are to confide in us, the weaker the information we have to make good decisions.

We train leaders to listen for others in a way that they are contributing to the success of the team, company, and customer. This doesn’t mean they have to agree with an opposing point of view. If we can get past the agreement part, we can listen for understanding and actually expand our perception and point of view. This could make all the difference in the outcome.

Clear and efficient communication begins with the speaker having a clear intention on what is to be said. 

THERE ARE BENEFITS TO BOTH PARTIES FROM LISTENING WELL:

• Higher productivity – problems solved faster with fewer duplicated efforts or heated arguments

• Increased trust – listening to individuals generates respect and trust

• Fewer mistakes – information received is more accurate

• Increased confidence – self-esteem goes up when we feel we are heard

Before reacting emotionally, consider the probability that the individual does not intend to be combative. Most people are, in fact, honest and well-meaning. Look for positive intent from them and make sure you are communicating your own.

So, why are top leaders in top organizations having trouble being heard?

Workplace / office safety requires:

1. Presence

2. The ability to be present with each other