Are You Afraid to Disturb the (Perceived) Balance?
Photo by Marlene Clark, Scottsdale, Arizona
Has your team ever let a major issue go unspoken until it was too late?
If you—or your team members—are afraid to "disturb the balance," or more accurately, a perceived balance within your team, you're likely dealing with a psychological safety issue. What often looks like harmony on the surface is simply the absence of honest conversation. People avoid difficult conversations because they don't want to create tension, even when that tension already exists.
If your workplace doesn't feel safe enough for people to speak up, that culture didn't happen by accident. Psychological safety can be intentionally created and developed, but it must always begin at the very top of an organization.
If you have a leadership role, you not only have to give people permission to speak up and give feedback, you actually have to ask for it and be willing to listen generously. Otherwise, don't bother.
At any level in an organization, raising issues or holding someone accountable for their impact on you can be uncomfortable. So it's useful to spend a few minutes preparing what you want to say.
A large portion of our work at Momentum Consulting is coaching executives, managers, and teams on how to build, or sometimes rebuild, trust among themselves. One of the ways we do this is by using communication tools grounded in ownership and accountability, combined with a spirit of partnership and collaboration.
To keep your team’s momentum moving forward, practice speaking with both clarity and honesty. Say exactly what you mean, and seek understanding through thoughtful questions. Just because something is obvious or straightforward to us doesn’t mean it is to others, which is why creating a safe space for team members to ask you questions and ensure they understand you is so important.
Share your perspective, and do not shy away from raising necessary issues, even if they may lead to what feels like conflict, as long as they serve the ultimate goal of success or collaborative health. The easiest way to diffuse potential conflict is to clearly call out when there’s tension between you two. Saying what’s obvious may feel unnecessary, but it can create a safe space and allow you both to remember that you’re working towards the same goal.
Engage directly with the parties involved or affected, and always accept ownership of how your message is delivered and received.
Over the past three decades, working with numerous organizations, we have confirmed that it is nearly impossible to speak directly and respectfully without some form of generous listening on the other end. In our years of experience, it seems you can't have one without the other. Which often means, if this isn’t currently the dynamic in your team, you need to be the one willing to be the generous listener first and take the first steps in building a new dynamic.
Before diving headfirst into speaking straight respectfully, ask yourself this question:
What am I truly committed to achieving through this conversation for the other person, for myself, and for the relationship?
When you're ready to have the conversation, here is one approach we have found to be highly effective:
Start with your commitment.
Begin by sharing your commitment to the person and the outcome of the conversation, with the intention of moving the action forward.
State the facts.
Separate the facts of what happened from your interpretation of what happened.
Share the impact.
Share the impact the situation or the person's behavior has had on you. Frame what you have to say from your own perspective. Be authentic, and believe it or not, you can't lose if you speak straight from the heart. It helps the other person listen generously, especially if they have unintentionally impacted you.
Leave with a resolution.
The conversation may not be fully resolved, and that's okay—just start somewhere and go from there. You may have to make a request or two and possibly negotiate some new promises between each other. Focus on finding a solution, not on who is at fault.
If you are someone who finds yourself tolerating behaviors that don't work or avoiding having these types of conversations, you may want to ask yourself: What stops you?
And even more importantly, what does it cost you not to?
We are here to listen and help you ask yourself the tough questions.
All my best,
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Fundamental of the Week #11: HONOR COMMITMENTS
Be reliable; deliver on your commitments, no matter how small. If a deadline is in jeopardy, notify others immediately and set a new agreement.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team training, and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
