When Having a Difficult Conversation Seems Insurmountable
Photo by Marlene, Stanley Park, Vancouver, Canada.
How can you be accountable for producing results when you perceive someone on the team is not taking accountability for their impact on you and others?
First of all, do you have a work culture of open communication in which it’s okay to speak up? If not, this can be intentionally created and developed over time, and it always starts at the top of an organization.
When accountability is present, people don’t just own their results. They own their impact. They speak up when something isn’t working, and they do it in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than eroding it—an essential foundation for organizational trust.
If you are in a leadership role, you not only have to give people permission to speak up and give feedback, but also to ask for it. And when they do speak, you need to be willing to listen generously and validate their point of view, or don’t even bother.
Listening with curiosity and setting aside your own perspective for a few minutes allows the other person to feel heard. It also provides valuable insights into what is really happening in your organization and supports effective leadership communication.
A large portion of our work at Momentum Consulting is coaching executives and teams on how to build—or sometimes rebuild—trust. One way we do this is by teaching accountability-based communication practices grounded in ownership, along with a spirit of partnership and collaboration.
For nearly three decades of working with organizations across industries, we’ve observed something consistently: it is nearly impossible to speak straight in a respectful way without generous listening happening on the other end. Accountability without listening feels like blame. Listening without accountability leads to avoidance. You can’t have one without the other if you want healthy team dynamics.
You may already be generously asking for and listening to feedback, and that’s great.
But how well are you doing at giving feedback?
At any level of an organization, it can be uncomfortable to raise issues or hold someone accountable for their impact on you. Yet, when done well, accountability is not about punishment or control. It’s about owning what happens in your world in a way that strengthens the relationship and moves the work forward—an essential leadership skill.
Before entering a tough conversation, it’s useful to take a few minutes to prepare what you want to say. Here are a few pointers:
Start with your commitment. Be clear about your commitment to the person, the team, and the outcome of the conversation. Hold an intention to move the action forward, not to “win” the conversation.
State the facts. Separate what actually happened from your interpretation or the story you’re telling yourself about it. Our first reactions can often get in the way of speaking straight, respectfully, and weaken productive workplace conversations.
Share the impact. Describe how the situation or behavior affected you. Speak from your own point of view and let go of blame. Authenticity and speaking from the heart make it easier for others to listen—especially when the impact was unintended.
Leave with a resolution. The issue may not be fully resolved, but start somewhere. Make clear requests if needed, and be willing to negotiate new agreements. Focus on finding a solution, not on assigning fault—key to accountability in leadership.
If you find yourself tolerating behaviors that don’t work, or avoiding these conversations altogether, ask yourself:
What stops me?
And even more importantly:
What does it cost me—and the team—if I don’t address it?
Accountability is not just a skill; it’s a leadership practice. When people take ownership of what happens in their world and address issues directly and respectfully, trust grows—and so does performance.
We’re here to help you ask the tough questions and explore what’s possible when accountability and open communication at work become part of your culture.
All my best,
Marlene
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Fundamental of the Week 12: BE ACCOUNTABLE
Own what happens in your world. That means holding yourself and others to account in a way that strengthens the relationship.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team training, and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
