Navigating the Holidays: Finding Peace Amidst the Chaos
Photo by Nubia Navarro
Well, here we are—the holiday season, the end of the calendar year, and the possibility of thinking I can't get it all done. I actually love this time of year for many reasons. I look forward to the opportunity to hit the reset button and create my new year. I am grateful that the holidays for me are nostalgic, sacred, and fun. I am also aware that this is not the case for many people, and this time of year can create sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. While we may all feel these things throughout the year, and circumstances can influence our anxiety, the holidays seem to exacerbate and elevate stress.
“Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.” - Mother Teresa
I've been doing some research on anxiety to understand how we can better cope with the world we live in. It appears as if we are at an all-time high in crises. There are humanitarian crises both in the United States and around the world. People seem to be more reactive than ever. It's as if we have lost the skill to slow down, think before we act, and evaluate what might give us the best sustainable outcome in any situation. This is relevant in both our professional and personal lives.
You may be asked to work long hours to complete a project, and you miss your child’s musical. The supplies you ordered didn’t come in, and you can’t complete the job for a customer. The CEO of the company hands you a budget that feels impossible to hit. You’ve worked many days in a row, and someone doesn’t show up, and you have to fill in and miss your day off. The company cuts bonuses, and you have to scale down your gift list or go into credit card debt. These are all very real experiences that create high levels of anxiety. What makes it worse is when we are powerless and impacted by other people’s decisions and behaviors.
The most powerful tool is to learn how to settle and calm down our nervous systems. As human beings, we are designed to pay attention to danger for our own survival. This is how we have roamed the planet for so long. We have the mechanism in our brain to identify danger, and our anxiety serves us by moving us to run and get out of danger. We are not getting chased by saber-tooth tigers anymore, but our new stressors are relationships, finances, and work. Our reactions to interpersonal challenges, money, and careers can equal the fear of getting eaten by a tiger. This takes a toll on our physical, emotional, and mental health.
I have recently learned something about myself when it comes to stressful situations. I try to “manage” the situation or the person that is experiencing stress. While I have always thought I was being helpful by offering advice and support, I was actually needing others to calm down so I could calm myself down. Upon further review, this is completely backward and ineffective.
I was giving other people the power over my well-being and peace.
In other words, I have been relying on others to be calm so I could settle down. Do you want to know how that’s going? LOL!
“My job is not to change anyone. My job is to awaken myself.” - Bill Hyche
The only way to truly cope and take care of yourself is to learn how to calm yourself. Easier said than done, but here are a couple of tips to begin the process. I created this acronym to help me remember what to do in stressful situations.
C - Center yourself: By taking slow, deep breaths (inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts) to ground yourself in the present moment.
A - Accept what is happening: Focus on the facts of the situation, avoiding the creation of fantastical stories that can contribute to heightened stress.
L - Learn what works for you to practice calm: Honor yourself without overburdening yourself with responsibility for others.
M - "Me" focused: Prioritize your well-being. Instead of relying on external calmness, inquire how you can maintain peace even when others around you are not calm
Carlos Castaneda wisely noted,
"Things don't change. You change your way of looking, that's all."
Shifting your perspective in stressful situations can be transformative, though it may take time to unlearn old habits.
As we navigate the holiday season and beyond, let's commit to awakening ourselves rather than trying to change others. By embracing a self-centered approach to calmness, we pave the way for lasting peace in our lives.
It will take me a long time to unlearn how I’ve been operating in stressful situations. However, I am already feeling more calm and at peace.
I wish you all the peace and calmness of this season and beyond!
Peace be with you,
Fundamental of the Week #4: GIVE UP THE NEED TO BE RIGHT
Keep your ego, personal agenda, and judgments out of the way of doing what’s best for the team or client. Don’t let your need to “be right” interfere with hearing others and seeing other possibilities.
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