From Fear to Freedom: Embracing Compassion for the Real You!
Photo from Craig Clark
I think there is the natural flow of things, about which we know little. Why I think that is, is, because we endeavor to drive things in a direction we desire rather than allowing things to unfold. Please understand I am not saying “Just stand there and let life drift by.” I do not think life is preordained, no, we should endeavor to fulfill the potential life provides us.
A Mentor of mine once commented…” If you are floating rapids and in the water, if you let the rapids just carry you, you will probably be OK. However, if you try to manage your direction, you most likely will end up embedded in the rocks.”
I am speaking to the unnecessary tension, the unnecessary stress we bring on ourselves that inhibits our ability to perform. As far as I can tell, that tension or that stress is fear-based. This is based on what people have often told me in coaching sessions, over many years, and in looking inward at myself. That fear is a driving factor in our determination to achieve things that we think will validate us in the eyes of others. Our effort to “crush it”, “to knock it out of the park”, is an effort to make a lasting impression to others of our worthiness.
Interestingly, the people I know who experience themselves as worthy do not need to convince others…whoa! Where do you fit on that scale?
There is a fairly simple solution to this dilemma. Compassion, or my preferred way of speaking about it…decency. Both qualities I believe to be inherent within us. Inherent within us, but shaded over by material-focused domestication.
Here's where it gets intriguing—recent research in the Harvard Business Review, focusing on health and behavioral sciences, has identified personal and professional benefits tied to compassion and decency, especially in leadership (HBR-Leading with Compassion has Research-Backed Benefits, 02-27-23 by Trzeciak, Mazzarelli, and Seppala).
On a personal scale, being a giving, other-focused person is linked to you getting a longer life and buffering to stressful events. Why, because kindness is not only rewarding but studies have pretty consistently shown you also get benefits in reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, reducing high blood pressure, plus maintaining vitality and cognitive function in the aging process. The more you focus on serving others the more benefit you get in greater happiness, relationships, and well-being, and you become less susceptible to burn-out.
On the professional front, the traditional approach to staying focused on getting ahead, climbing the ladder, and attending to your goals is what gets you ahead. But statistically, it does not hold up! While it may achieve some success for you, the evidence suggests something else.
A 14-year research project from Cal-Berkeley’s Haas School of Business demonstrated self-focus, aggression, and manipulation lost out to those who were generous and agreeable to being promoted to positions of power.
(People with disagreeable personalities (selfish, combative, and manipulative) do not have an advantage in pursuing power at work) Generosity pays: Selfish people have fewer children and earn less money)
A Canadian study, cited in the HBR article, followed 3,000 kindergarten children for 30 years and found those that who had exhibited kindness in kindergarten made higher incomes.
Compassion and decency only occur in action. It is an emotional response to another's struggle with an authentic desire to help!
Critical note:
YOU CANNOT FAKE COMPASSION, IT DOES NOT WORK!
It has to be a genuine desire to help, especially if it costs you something and with no expectation of return. (We consider compassion to be a critical component of great leadership.)
When your people feel they are as valuable to you as your customers, you will get high engagement and performance from them.
Being a compassionate person, and leading with decency is a “lifestyle” choice. It is a discipline for how you live life.
How do you build a competency of compassion and decency?
Start with little things (less than a minute of decency to another can measurably reduce anxiety, John Hopkins study.).
Who and what do you appreciate? You will have close to a dozen opportunities a day to recognize and acknowledge people or teams if you are paying attention. Appreciate yourself, your family, or your Organization. Appreciating others enhances your well-being.
As a leader, ask people what they need from you or what you can do to make work more engaging and effective for them.
Seek feedback from your team, at home, peers at work. Where do they score you being compassionate, especially as a leader.
Listen! Do not take my word for it! Take on a focus of genuinely being interested in others and how you can serve them. Do this for thirty days and assess what difference it makes for you and others. What did you get out of the experiment and more importantly, what will you do with what you got?
Do this NOW and enjoy even greater holidays, it can change your life.
Blessings to you all for the holidays, and thank you for being here.
Cheers,
Fundamental of the Week #6: CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
Both physical and emotional safety are important. Safety means it's okay to speak up or try new ideas without fear of blame; Innovation thrives in a safe environment.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team training, and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
