Why Leadership by Example Is the Only Kind That Works
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There’s a peculiar thing about influence. The louder we try to command it, the less it sticks. The most enduring impact often comes not from directives, but from presence—how we carry ourselves when no one’s watching, and how we respond when everyone is.
We’ve been trained to think leadership is about telling others what to do, about the “strongest voice in the room” dictating the direction. But history, and life, keep reminding us it’s more often the opposite.
Consider Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor who wielded immense power yet spent his evenings writing private reflections that became Meditations. His legacy wasn’t built on grand speeches or public declarations, but on his relentless discipline to live according to his values. People followed him not only because he ruled, but because he embodied a consistency of principle that outlasted his reign. Executive presence is not about polish—it’s about embodying the change before anyone else dares to.
Even psychology hints at this tension. In The Great Sex Divide by Glenn D. Wilson, the author explores how men and women often lead differently, not in capacity, but in expression. Men, research suggests, are more inclined toward direct displays of authority, while women often shape through collaboration, intuition, and subtle influence. Instead of seeing this as a divide, it’s worth asking: what if organizational culture needs both? What if the most resilient leaders are those who integrate strength with empathy, decisiveness with quiet conviction?
“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”
– Albert Schweitzer
The workplace is full of silent mirrors. One person’s stress can ripple through an entire team; one person’s steadiness can anchor a room in chaos. Teams don’t only hear instructions. They absorb energy, tone, and unspoken cues. That’s why authentic leadership isn’t about a checklist of competencies; it’s about what others consistently experience in your presence.
I think about this every time I see my niece. Since she was a toddler, I’ve made it a habit to greet her with a hug, no matter how brief the visit. She’s seven now, with her own thoughts, personality, and little bursts of independence—but without fail, the moment she sees me, she comes running with arms wide open. That ritual didn’t come from instructions or reminders; it came from years of showing up the same way. Presence, repeated over time, becomes memory. And memory shapes behavior.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
– Anaïs Nin
Here’s the paradox: influence is less about telling and more about being. That’s both liberating and terrifying. Liberating, because it doesn’t require a title. Terrifying, because it demands integrity all the way through.
What this looks like in practice:
Pause before reacting. Your calm becomes the anchor in moments of pressure.
Model what you expect. Don’t ask for accountability, empathy, or resilience if you’re not living it.
Be consistent. Influence is eroded not by mistakes, but by inconsistency.
Communicate values in behavior, not just words. Mission statements mean little if actions contradict them.
Treat presence as strategy. Your tone, energy, and body language shape organizational culture as much as policies do.
Because at the end of the day, people rarely remember the instructions you gave—but they never forget the example you set.
~ Katrina
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Fundamental of the Week #21: LEAD BY EXAMPLE
The best way to influence others is to be the change you want to see. Bring a calming presence. Your authentic expression helps others shine.
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