Rules imply all sorts of standards, and our core values serve as our own little secret set of rules for everyone…

What justifies committing violence, a rant of swear words or any reaction severe enough to end a relationship? I was in conversation with a client about “temptations…”

I stumbled onto the plane only to run into some guy coming down the aisle the wrong way with a bag way too big for the bins. Bound and determined to make it work, he had no problem holding up the entire boarding process…

I just had some major dental work in Costa Rica and took all the novocaine they’d give me. I’m not as tough as I thought I was…

Another email from Delta. Flight canceled. I’m just plain upset at this point. Fun is nowhere in sight…

Mr. Davis has crossed enemy lines like no other. I saw klansmen magically shift before my eyes. Mr. Davis is practicing what we at Momentum call Other Oriented Listening…

We have no idea what’s going on with people and what their level of gravity is for any given situation. In business, life or family situations, our response matters. People notice.

There was no note, no vase, no one there to tell me what was going on. Just the flowers in their plastic packaging…

I knew there was no more pleading my case. The action to take was clear. I needed to have this conversation…

There were a lot of things on my list that needed to be rethought. And … there are actually a lot of cool things influencing my son today.

When I pay attention to how I parent, I become a better coach. The two experiences have many similarities.

Isn’t it great when we’re with people who look past the bad stuff and try to understand what we intend to say? We call those people our friends, our trusted advisors, our coaches. They “get” us, not because they agree, but because they listen.

I’ve never seen the back of my head. Others can see it, but I can’t. With some neck gymnastics and a mirror, I can catch a reversed view of that balding area … but I myself am directly blind to it.

There is a conversation going on right now in this country, and it is a conversation filled with old beliefs juxtaposed with new thoughts and ideas. For most of us, old beliefs are familiar, comfortable, and deeply rooted. Personally, I believe in the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. I believe that grandmas and grandpas exist to cuddle and spoil their grandchildren. I believe people should be on time for their appointments. You and I are a bottomless pit of beliefs.

This organizational fundamental about learning something new is not just about getting new knowledge, but it’s about the mindset that allows for learning. Part of it says "Challenge yourself to take risks outside your comfort zone .... "

Using fun to relieve tension or shift a conversation is a powerful leadership tactic you can use with yourself, family, friends, colleagues.

Here are some recommended guidelines on how to speak straight respectfully:

1. Create some ground rules: No accusations, no name-calling, no bad language … etc.

2. Seek to understand before being understood.

3. Be factual. Resist interpretations and hyperbole in order to bolster your case.

4. Give up being “right”, as in a righteous attitude. 

5. Take breaks when it gets too hot. (You could use a walk after all that turkey anyway.)

6. Don’t take anything personally and don’t make assumptions. (Agreements 2 & 3: Don Miguel Ruiz)

7. Set up the environment. (Adults only, alcohol-free, remove sharp utensils … etc.)

8. Know your audience.

9. No ganging up on minority opinions.

10. Listen.

It’s that connection that brings it to life. Just like my cool client proved, enthusiastic passion can light up a room AND be for good business. That’s how we get masterful at increasing employee engagement, building leadership skills and creating a high performance culture. 

One remedy to assumptive behavior is to get clear on expectations, and to practice the process of Requests and Promises. It keeps transactions clean and free of unnecessary hiccups, speed bumps or roadblocks. These are called Conversations For Action*, and when we make them specific, measurable, and in time, many of the headaches associated with assumptions are eliminated.