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Back in May, I wrote about this fundamental and the hardest lesson it ever taught me.
Since then, I have sat with it because a question kept coming back that I had not fully answered. What exactly does it mean to fulfill on continuously seeking to improve the impact we make?
For the longest time, for me, it meant trying as hard as I could. More preparation, more ideas, more hours, more of myself in every room. If something I cared about was not landing, the answer was to give more of it.
I still believe effort matters. You cannot make much of a difference for anyone without it.
But I have come to see that effort can get you in trouble, because having an impact on other people is not about how much you can give them, but about what makes sense to them in the moment. And what makes sense to them is usually the next step in their process or their journey, not a single shot to the destination.
What I Could Not See in the Room
Earlier this year, I sat down one-on-one with a senior leader at a client organization. I opened with good questions, the right ones. Then I answered most of them myself.
Somewhere in the middle, I recommended that they build a mentoring program for their supervisors, and the leader told me they had built one themselves a month earlier. Ten minutes later, caught up in my own thinking, I recommended it again.
Early in the conversation, they had asked me what I was there to do, and near the end, they were still asking.
I did not notice any of this at the time. I only saw it months later, going back over the conversation.
Then came the other half, which looks like the opposite, and I now think is the same thing.
After a later visit, I got home, and other work filled my head. My update to the person who had brought me in went out twelve days after I left, and it opened with "the last two weeks got away from me." After that, weeks went by with nothing from me.
Months later, the feedback came back through the firm I was delivering the work for.
The client had felt I came on too strong. The person who passed it on was kind about it. They said they thought I was being passionate, that this is how I show it, and asked me to double-check myself whenever I am about to be direct.
The sessions themselves had gone well, and people had told me so. What had not gone as well was some of what happened around them.
Where the Two Halves Meet
When I come on strong, it is too many thoughts and concepts for people to process, sweeping pronouncements, other things they could be doing, and all my opinions about what is needed.
When I go quiet, it is forgetfulness and being caught up in my own head.
In both cases, I am mostly involved with myself, first with what I could do for them, and then with whatever caught my attention next.
Underneath it, I think, is this: I have an insatiable need to make a difference, and part of that need is founded in wanting people to like me. So I go too far.
That is uncomfortable to write, and I want to be fair to myself about it, too.
The same need is what gets me on a plane, into a plant, and into conversations that many people would rather avoid. The energy itself has served my clients well; what I am learning is where to let it land.
The Next Step
What that leader needed from me was, I believe, quite simple. They had asked what I was there to do, and the answer was one sentence. Then one question about the program they had just told me they built.
That would have been the next step in their journey, and it may well have been the whole impact of that hour.
What the person who brought me in needed was a short note within a week of my leaving, telling them what I had seen and what came next, so they knew I was still there.
I have written about the importance of urgency in response time and follow-up. This experience was a reminder that I need to practice that same discipline consistently.
I now think the people we work with want the same thing at both ends: someone warm, trustworthy, and uncomplicated to work with.
That is what I am working on being.
Fundamental #26 says the path takes planning, diligence, and thoughtfulness, and for me, the thoughtfulness has become the part that matters most.
When you want to make a difference for someone, how do you tell the difference between what you have to give and what they can actually use right now?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Momentum works with executive leadership teams to rebuild trust, communication, and alignment at the top through executive business coaching, executive consulting, team training, and team off-sites.
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Fundamental of the Week #26: CONTINUOUSLY SEEK TO IMPROVE THE IMPACT WE MAKE
Always seek a breakthrough approach. Our job is to improve the lives and work of the people around us. This path takes planning, diligence, and thoughtfulness.
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