When It Rains, It Pours (So I Carry a Big Umbrella)
Photo by Lisa from Pexels
Right now, as I write this, I am navigating bigger projects with bigger financial stakes, raising teenagers who seem to specialize in chaos, managing relationships that require constant care, and watching a world that feels like it’s spinning faster every day. Geopolitical conflict, technological disruption, increasing polarization. It’s a lot. And if I’m honest, it’s all happening at the same time. It reminds me of the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once.
When it rains, it pours. That’s just life.
For most of my career, my response to that kind of pressure was predictable. I’d get reactive. Worried. Obsessive. I’d resist what was happening, as if by fighting it hard enough I could somehow undo it. I’d burn enormous energy being upset at the situation, angry at the people involved, and frustrated that things weren’t going the way I wanted them to.
It didn’t solve the real problems. It didn’t change the circumstances. All it did was steal my energy, my clarity, and my ability to do what actually needed doing next.
There’s a simple truth I’ve come to understand, not just intellectually but in my bones: what you resist, persists. The more energy we pour into fighting what is, the more entrenched we become in the very situation we’re trying to escape.
The Beeping Alarm
I came home recently after two intense weeks of work on the road. I walked through the door to find my 19-year-old son had left the house in a state of absolute disaster. Dishes everywhere, things out of place, and to top it off, a carbon monoxide alarm beeping incessantly somewhere in the house. That relentless beep, beep, beep on top of everything else.
I couldn’t find the alarm. I searched and searched, and it just kept beeping, like the universe was testing me.
Now, in that moment, I had a choice. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and standing in the middle of a mess I didn’t create. I could have exploded at my son. I could have made it a huge issue, said things in anger that I’d regret, and turned the whole evening into a battlefield.
Instead, I took a breath. I calmly told him the house needed to be cleaned up and to get to it. I dealt with what I could deal with. And when I still couldn’t find that alarm, I put my AirPods in, went to sleep, and woke up the next morning fresh and clear-headed. Within minutes, I found the alarm and disconnected it.
Problem solved. Relationship intact. Next day protected.
Think about the alternative. If I had blown up, I would have said things I’d regret. I would have felt ashamed about my reaction. And I would have robbed my next day of both joy and productivity. The breakdown would have multiplied, not because of the original mess, but because of my resistance to it.
The Real Cost of Resistance
This is what we rarely calculate: the cost of resisting reality is almost always greater than the cost of the problem itself.
When breakdowns pile up, our instinct is to push back. To get angry. To find someone or something to blame. But blame is really just resistance wearing a different outfit. When we blame, we’re saying, “This shouldn’t be happening.” And while we’re busy arguing with what is, the actual problems sit there unaddressed, often growing worse.
I see this play out in organizations constantly. It shows up as finger-pointing. As “I’m right and you’re wrong.” As teams locked in disagreements about who caused the breakdown instead of focusing on how to move forward. Background conversations multiply. People stop completing things with each other. Trust erodes.
The status quo in most organizations is people spending more energy on resistance than on resolution, and that comes at the expense of team alignment, trust, and organizational performance.
Three Teams, One Broken Project
I saw this in its most vivid form on an oil and gas project I consulted on in Mexico. The client, the main contractor, and a subcontractor were at each other’s throats. Blame flew in every direction. Each team was convinced the others were the problem. Progress had ground to a halt, and the stakes were enormous.
I was asked to facilitate a breakthrough session with all three groups. We started by looking at something uncomfortable: the predictable future of their current path. Not what they hoped would happen. Not what they wished for. But what would almost certainly happen if they continued operating exactly as they were.
That future was failure. And they could all see it.
In that moment of honest confrontation, something shifted. There was a choice to be made. They could keep resisting each other, keep blaming, keep fighting about who was right. Or they could acknowledge where they were, let go of the need to be right, and ask a different question: What are we actually committed to here?
What emerged was a shared vision. A project they could all be proud of. One that met production, quality, and time targets. One where nobody got hurt. One where everyone involved would be better for the experience.
From that space, they had real conversations. What do I need from you? What can you count on me for? They made specific requests and promises to each other. And critically, they talked about something most teams never address: how they would handle the breakdowns that would inevitably come next.
Because they would come. They always do.
That kind of team communication, clarity, and accountability is what allows people to move forward together.
Breakdowns Are Not the Enemy
This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned over the years, and it’s taken me a long time to truly get it: breakdowns are normal. They are not signs that something has gone wrong with your life, your project, or your team. They are an inherent part of leadership, growth, and doing anything meaningful.
Breakdowns signal a limiting factor, an inflection point. They are, if we let them be, an opportunity. The key word there is “let.” Because the only thing that turns a breakdown into a catastrophe is our resistance to it.
When we strip away the disempowering meaning we attach to breakdowns, when we stop treating them as evidence that we or someone else failed, they become exactly what they are: moments that call for a decision, a pivot, and a new way forward.
The rain is not the problem. Our refusal to carry an umbrella is.
The Pivot
At 58, I am navigating more complexity, more responsibility, and more uncertainty than at any other point in my life. And here’s what I know now that I didn’t know twenty years ago: my power lies not in preventing breakdowns but in how quickly I pivot when they happen.
Every minute spent fighting what is, is a minute stolen from what needs my attention next. Every ounce of energy spent on blame, worry, or resistance is energy unavailable for the creative, focused action that actually moves things forward.
So I carry a big umbrella. Not because I expect the worst, but because I’ve made peace with the fact that rain is part of the deal. And when it pours, I want something to help me do what matters most.
The question is never whether breakdowns will come. The question is: will you spend your energy resisting them, or will you pick up your umbrella and get to work?
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Fundamental of the Week #18: PRACTICE BLAMELESS PROBLEM-SOLVING
Focus on finding a solution, not who is at fault; apply your creativity, spirit, and enthusiasm to developing solutions. Then, identify lessons learned and use those lessons to improve processes and strengthen relationships.
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