The Rebel’s Paradox: Giving Up the Need to Be Right
Photo by Quang Bach
I have a client with a streak of rebellion. He’s well aware of his personality, and it makes for some rich conversations.
Historically, the Rebel archetype has attracted a lot of attention, and I’ve always been fascinated by its motivation. Is it driven by a need to resist conformity? A desire for individualism? A core value of authenticity?
But what about confirmation bias?
Most rebels take pride in their stance for freedom and autonomy, but owning one’s impartiality takes some real mettle.
Take everyone’s favorite subject: politics. Let’s say the two political parties are the Emeralds and the Quartzes. If I prefer the Emeralds over the Quartzes, it’s predictable that I will look for information that agrees with the Emeralds. Furthermore, I’ll look for information that invalidates the Quartzes. Anything counter to my point of view will be declared invalid, or “fake news.”
How do we overcome this blindness?
My 17-year-old son is currently in debate class, so we talk about this topic a lot. Being on the debate team is a great way to dismantle the stubbornness that accompanies bias because, eventually, you’ll end up taking a side you disagree with. It compels you to take a logical look at the opposing side.
What if the ultimate Rebel move was to surrender to the mainstream?
When we look past the obvious contradiction in that question, we discover that being a rebel can be a lot of work. Counterintuitively, much of the against-the-grain behavior is actually the path of least resistance. We find some labyrinthine layers of preference under the surface, but overall, it just seems easier to stay with a point of view and “be right about it” versus doing the work of setting one’s long-held perspective aside for another.
For my client, there seemed to be something unexpectedly liberating about it. Dare I say… a sense of freedom?
In the movie Easy Rider, Jack Nicholson’s character says, Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom... You see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em … Don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are.
The difference between the debate team and real life is that the tension is deeply emotional, not logical. We use logic to prove our point, but it’s emotion that sends us spiraling into a tantrum when we’re violated. It’s emotion that has us gathering evidence to be right while “winning” an argument. Some hard-wiring incident long ago set each of us on a path to become a future defender of Independence, Fairness, Authenticity, Integrity, etc. Whatever your core value is, it will “block out” other perspectives as automatically as your next breath when threatened. It’s just a default survival mechanism, and the more “core” it is, the more emotional righteousness comes with it.
What’s the solution?
Get really, really good at self-awareness.
Grow an appetite for being wrong, and drop your allegiance to your point of view. For some of you, this will feel like death. Literally. We are survival machines, and being right is a primal instinct that our amygdala is willing to go to war for.
Yes, part of us is willing to die in order to “survive.”
One sidenote quote I love in the realm of confirmation bias:
“We always find what we’re looking for.”
What I would add to the end of that quote is … with emotion.
I’m reminded of when I played competitive golf as a youngster. It was common to go searching for a golf ball, and I noticed that if it was my ball I was looking for, I searched with intense enthusiasm. When it was the ball of my adversary, I lacked emotional interest. As a matter of integrity, I had to generate emotional energy so it was a more equitable effort.
~ Brett
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Fundamental of the Week #4: GIVE UP THE NEED TO BE RIGHT
Keep your ego, personal agenda, and judgments out of the way so you can do what’s best for the team or client. Don’t let your need to “be right” interfere with hearing others and seeing other possibilities.
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