The Day I Stopped Blaming Others (And Found My Freedom)
Photo by Jeffrey Czum
For the longest time, I thought accountability was a burden—another weight to carry in an already demanding world. Then I lost a lead role on a major mining project, and in that painful moment, discovered something that changed everything: accountability isn't a burden. It's freedom.
I'd been leading a safety culture transformation for 18 months. We'd achieved incredible changes together with the client. Then came the gut punch: they wanted another consultant to take over as lead.
I was devastated. Angry. Hurt.
My mind raced with blame. The other consultant was undermining me. The client didn't appreciate my dedication. My boss wasn't supporting me. Everyone was at fault—except me.
But here's what I've learned: dwelling on disappointment and searching for who to blame is like drinking poison and expecting others to feel it. It keeps us stuck, powerless, and miserable.
The Soul Searching
Months later, after the project ended, I finally did some real soul searching. And what I saw made me uncomfortable.
I had pushed too hard at critical moments. When the client was drowning in pressure and workload, I kept pressuring them to attend our workshops. I had been so focused on the project's success that I'd become blind to the human beings trying to make it happen.
I'd openly voiced my discontent when things didn't go my way. Looking back, I could see clearly how my actions had paved the way for what happened.
Here's the thing: others contributed to that breakdown too. But dwelling on their part was useless. We can't control what others do. We can only control our own actions and what those actions produce.
The Power in Ownership
That's when I discovered the paradox: taking accountability for everything that happens to us actually gives us more freedom and power. When we own our part, we become the source of change rather than victims of circumstance.
We can't change other people. We definitely can't change what life throws at us. But we can learn, grow, and change ourselves.
The 5-Step Framework: From Burden to Freedom
Through painful experience, I've developed a simple framework that transforms accountability from weight to wings:
Identify the breakdown
Name what actually happened. Not the story, not the blame—just the facts.
"The project stalled." "I lost the lead role." "The deadline was missed."Move out of dwelling and blaming as quickly as possible
Feel the disappointment, yes. But don't set up camp there. The longer you dwell, the more powerless you become. Give yourself a deadline to stop the blame cycle.Identify your role in the breakdown
This is where courage lives. Ask yourself: "What did I do or not do that contributed to this?" Be ruthlessly honest. This isn't about self-flagellation—it's about finding your power.Own up to it in public
Share your accountability with those involved. Not as confession, but as leadership. This creates psychological safety and gives others permission to do the same.Learn and move forward
Extract the lesson. Apply it. Don’t just understand it intellectually. Change your behavior. Growth happens in the application, not the analysis.
When One Act of Accountability Changes Everything
I witnessed this framework's power during another project. The client and main contractor teams were at each other's throats. Blame flew like shrapnel across every meeting.
The project had ground to a complete standstill. Tens of millions of dollars hung in the balance.
Then one brave leader did something unexpected. In front of both teams, he owned up to his mistakes. No excuses. No finger-pointing. Just clear accountability for his part in the mess.
The room went silent. You could feel the shift.
What happened next was magical. One by one, others started owning their parts. The blame dissolved. They realized they'd all contributed to the breakdown.
Instead of wasting energy on who was wrong, they focused on what went wrong and how to fix it. They learned from their mistakes and moved forward together.
That project became an absolute success.
The Freedom in Accountability
This is what I mean when I say accountability is freedom. When you own everything in your world, you stop being a victim of circumstances. You become the author of your outcomes.
And when you hold others accountable authentically—not punitively—you give them the same gift. You create an environment where people can grow instead of hide.
Your Freedom Awaits
The next time you face a disappointment or breakdown, you have a choice. You can drink the poison of blame, or you can claim your freedom through ownership.
Try this: Think of one situation right now where you're blaming others or circumstances. Apply just the first three steps of the framework. Notice what shifts.
I'd love to hear what you discover. What breakdown became a breakthrough when you chose accountability over blame?
Because here's the truth: the moment you stop blaming others is the moment you start creating the life and leadership you want.
Let’s continue this conversation. Share your accountability breakthrough with us, and let’s explore how ownership can transform our world.
Fundamental of the Week #12: BE ACCOUNTABLE
Own what happens in your world. That means holding yourself and others to account in a way that strengthens the relationship.
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