Change Your Story, Change Your Life
Photo from Caitlyn Rose Clark
It was my 51st birthday. I traveled a lot then, and I got home that Friday afternoon and would be flying out again Sunday. Christa Marie, our oldest, was almost 1. With Mom babysitting, Marlene and I went out for a birthday dinner.
Over a glass of wine, waiting for our order, Marlene asked me, “So what are you celebrating this year?” The question caught me by surprise, gave me pause, and to greater surprise, what popped out of my mouth was,
“I just do not have to prove anything anymore!”
Without realizing it, I just rewrote my story.
And my next “hero’s journey” began to unfold, turning corners, going uphill, going downhill, sometimes blindfolded, sometimes clear, sometimes stars in my eyes.
I later began to appreciate that changing “my story” usually just meant rewriting the script, and there I was, in a new story. So, I learned to write better scripts. The performance stage we call our life stays; the props just change. We never see the whole picture, just the part we are currently playing. (See Einstein quote.)
A page from our Momentum Manual
When Caitlyn Rose, Baby Girl, came along, the “good daughter” role was already taken by her sister, Christa Marie, so she took Rebel — although sometimes it seemed more like Revolutionary — throwing bombs, loud, dominating, often like fireworks. She was a one-parent kid. I was the “odd parent out,” and evidently an intruder, exaggerated by my frequent traveling. They were not easy years for either of us. I am pretty sure Caitlyn Rose thought, “There must be some mistake.” She got the right Mommy, but the wrong Daddy somehow. Meanwhile, I often wondered, “Can you divorce a kid?”
When she turned 13, I told her I had another gift for her. Her eyes promptly lit up. I said,
“OK, I am no longer going to tell you what to do. You are a big girl now, so you can figure it out. Besides, you don’t listen to me anyway. I will still hold to the rules, I just will not tell you what to do anymore.”
This got an eye roll and the whatever expression that all thirteen-year-old girls have perfected. Then I went about living up to what I told her. Little did I know I had just rewritten both of our stories.
When she was about 15, I got a note from her letting me know she appreciated me and thanking me for living up to not telling her what to do, and that she felt comfortable she could ask my advice. Given that our conversations could still sometimes quickly go off track, we often communicated with notes if we had something we wanted to say and had listened to.
Once again, our stories changed, and our relationship began to fulfill the Daddy-Daughter possibility. I will come back to that in a minute.
What changed? I had gone from despair to hope, and she had begun to see me in a new light — which is the power of story. It really is a pretty simple principle.
Change your story, change your life!
It takes understanding your life is simply a play in which you are the lead — it is not fixed! I appreciate this is easy to get intellectually, and a bomb to get behaviorally. Transformation happens in unwinding our belief system underlying the story we have been living in and examining the beliefs. As we begin to see where the beliefs came from, it opens our eyes to freeing ourselves from them. This is a power each of us has — for some, not too difficult; for some, nearly impossible — yet a power we all have.
Einstein summed it up (refer to the quote image above).
In this quote, we are the closed watch.
When Caitlyn came to me in her early 20s and said she wanted to be a Momentum Consultant, I was a bit taken aback.
“Caitlyn, our consultants collectively have 100-plus years of experience, and most have over 20 years with us. It is a steep curve,” I replied.
Smiling, she said, “Dad, I have over 20! I have been watching and listening.”
Turns out, she is already a wicked executive coach!
Another story changed.
Blessings,
Craig
Want help rewriting your story? Let us know.
Fundamental of the Week #11: HONOR COMMITMENTS
Be reliable; deliver on your commitments, no matter how small. If a deadline is in jeopardy, notify others immediately and set a new agreement.
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